youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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