My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
