i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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