we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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