and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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