so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize