You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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