As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
