Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
