god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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