i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
