That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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