i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
