when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
