you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
