Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
