Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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