pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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