I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
