HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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