I want to have your abortion
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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