I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
