No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
