her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
