Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
