My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
