At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
