we have officially lost it.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
