I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
