Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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