Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Holy shit dude........stairs
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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