Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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