I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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