how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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