I am puke
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
