dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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