The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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