what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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