I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
