Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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