awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
