Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
