Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
