I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
