my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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