hotel room ftw
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
