me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
