Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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