Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My dick has a subreddit
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
