Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
