my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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