He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I love you. Go after that dick
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
