Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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