Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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