I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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