I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I am one with the molecules
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize