I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
