Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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