Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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