she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
