dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Actions speak louder than pants.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
