I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
