i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
