Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
