No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
