I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
