you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
