I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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