I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
