There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize