ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
